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Post by snowfur on Jul 22, 2010 17:28:47 GMT -5
As Snowpaw and blizzardpaw played Ashfur came running over. "Snowpaw your mother... just had her kits!" Ashfur said trying to catch his breath. "Blizzardpaw, we have to get over there now!" Snowpaw cried. As they rushed over they could see the cats gathered around the rocks looking around on the ground. All the sundden Snowpaw could hear a high pitched meowing sound. As Snowpaw looked down she saw one of her mothher's kit's crawling around her paws. Snowpaw picked the kit up in her mouth and brought the kit to her mother. "Are you looking for him?" Snowpaw asked. "Oh, thankyou so much honey." Snowpaw made her way over to the kit's and snuggled op next to her mother and the kit's....
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Post by Hawkstar on Nov 16, 2010 16:44:42 GMT -5
Thats a bad story and Ashfur is DEAD!
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Post by Rosestar on Nov 17, 2010 14:54:41 GMT -5
I really don't like it, but i have a few tips to make it better.
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Post by Rainstar on Nov 18, 2010 16:21:15 GMT -5
in your view,here's how this dumb story will go.
As, Snowpaw cuddled near her mother, she whispered quietly to the baby kit. " hey, want to become a warrior now" ,asked Snowpaw. " yeah", said the kit they named hailkit.
So, the two week old baby, Hailkit left the nursery. He followed Snowpaw to the Snakerocks where and adder saw him and tried to bite him. Snowpaw leaped into the way and killed the adder. Then a screech startled her. " My kit, Hailkit, she's gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a very stupid story and if you're going write about Warriors, then you should know a whole lot about it.
Fortuenatly, I know how to help. If you want to learn how to wirte a good story, then visit a new thread called Rosestorm and Rainsong's Writer's cafe!!!!
Sorry about the mean comment, but people out there are mean, and if you want to get their attention, then write a good story. What grade are you in anyway?
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Post by Hawkstar on Nov 18, 2010 19:35:56 GMT -5
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Post by Rosestar on Nov 19, 2010 14:51:45 GMT -5
meanies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Hawkstar on Nov 25, 2010 19:09:11 GMT -5
Where is the adventure!? If i had a choice to rate your story between 1-5, i would ask"Is there any number lower than 1?"
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Post by Rosestar on Nov 25, 2010 19:33:52 GMT -5
ha ha ha
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Post by Hawkstar on Nov 26, 2010 7:09:58 GMT -5
Yep
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Post by Rosestar on Nov 27, 2010 14:02:34 GMT -5
Well, we were supposed to comment on the threads, but only if they're good.
Hey, hawkfeather, you do know there is a thread where we should comment on her story?
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